1. OPEN YOUR OWN ‘TEDDY KGB’-STYLE POKER ROOM

In the old days it was traditional to blow any money collected through redundancy, retirement or lottery on a tacky bar in Tenerife. Half the money would be spent doing the place up, the rest would be spent on booze, and then you’d be shut down three weeks later, a total failure. Now, any sudden windfall must be used to create the seediest, smelliest, ugliest poker room imaginable. Resplendent with bare brick and dripping ceilings, your club must attract only the dodgiest kind of poker scum, battling it out for their giros every night.