After the Speed Poker was over I tried to qualify for the main event by entering a Supersonic Satellite. I sat down with nine other hopefuls and was promptly informed that ‘you can’t check or call, only raise’. Huh? But how are you ever going to see a flop without going all-in? ‘You’re not’, was the helpful reply. After suggesting we flip coins for the winning ticket I go out in third place and my dream of the $1m first prize is over.

As a consolation I enter the $500 no-limit tourney. Cleverly, I sell 50 percent of my action to a skint colleague, promising him that I’m going to play ‘like a rock’. He’s not convinced and insists on escorting me to the table. As the first hand’s being dealt I ask him to get me a drink. I look down at pocket Jacks and a modest raise sees the table capitulate. The next hand, on the small blind, I get pocket Kings. Two limpers call before me and I put a decent pot-sized raise in. Limper one re-raises and limper two calls, leaving me with an agonising decision just 45 seconds into the tournament. I can’t call and give them a free draw for an Ace. And I can’t fold.

So I move all-in, and get two callers. Oh shit. I flip my Kings and BOTH of them flip Aces. Oh shitty shit. With no King on the board I’m left with 100 chips (from the hand before) when my colleague returns. I would say it was almost worth it to see the look on his face, but he stormed off saying I could whistle for my cash. Needless to say, I didn’t stage an amazing comeback and win the $70,000 first prize. Nuts.